Monday, December 03, 2007

I knew this day would come...

My grandpa has been tired and losing weight. He and mom have been "doctoring" Grandpa has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and nodules on his lungs. Mom told me Friday night. I held it together while I was on the phone with her. The second I ended the call I freaked out and went into hysterics. I was crying so hard I was almost hyperventilating. Kurt was driving (this was after we'd been to Christmas with Wartburg Concert)(wonderful btw) and on our way to Perkins. It was all I could do to dial the Wonder Twin and hand the phone to Kurt. Luckily, I have a very wonderful, understanding, and non-jealous husband. In this case, Brian just knows me and the history better than Kurt. Brian was able to get me to breathe and get myself under control.

I went over to Grandpa's today. It was 4:15 in the afternoon and he was in bed asleep. I've NEVER seen him in bed during the day...EVER. I took him some home-made chicken noodle soup, potato soup and some ground chicken. My aunt from CA is here. I hope she can be a help.

I realize that I have been blessed to have my grandpa as long as I have. He will be 93 in March. He lives on his own on the farm and is mostly healthy and independent. He recovered from a broken hip last year and made it out of the nursing home and back to the farm. I can't imagine him not being a part of my life. He's always been there. Every Sunday I know he will be at my parents' house visiting. He's had a long wonderful life as Brian pointed out. It's just that I don't want him to be in pain and to suffer. My grandma died 20 years ago last October from cancer. I was almost 16. It was horrible horrible horrible. It's still vivid in my mind and heart.

Wednesday is the doctor appointment to decide what, if anything, to do. Grandpa always says the way to go is to just wake up dead one morning. Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to happen.

1 comment:

Todd HellsKitchen said...

93? Wow. What a gift!